Missing Plane – Senators Want Top Aviation Officials Sacked

At first I thought this reaction was fueled by our usual jungle justice mentality but apparently there’s more to it than meets the eye.

First of all the story was…

“THE wreckage of the missing Beechcraft 1900D plane owned by Wings Aviation was found yesterday at Nbagu village in Yala Local Government Area of Cross River State, according to the Minister of State for Air Transportation, Mr. Felix Hyatt.“

Then it became:

“Uncertainty and confusion yesterday took the better of the country’s aviation sector following an embarrassing discovery that an earlier claim by one of the agencies that the missing Wings Aviation aircraft had been found was totally false.“

and then long story come start…

“According to Obock, “We engaged the services of local farmers and hunters who came with their dogs to help us locate the plane. We have been at it since midnight on Sunday till late Monday evening and have not been able to locate the crash site. Fisher men who claimed to have seen the plane did not come up to tell us where it is. We have decided to suspend the search today till tomorrow because of the bad weather.“

And now:

“SENATORS, yesterday, demanded the resignation of senior officials in the aviation sector following what they described as embarrassing failure to find the Wings Aviation plane four days after it went missing.“

Unfortunately and sadly, three lives have probably been lost in this confusion.

Is it me or does this sounds like a Fela song in the making? 

I beg, make we go Shrine briefly. Baba dey sing…

“Abracadabraaaaa, Plane don reappeeeaaarr…”

“Abracadabrooooo, Plane come disappeeeaaarr…”

Two new categories are born today, Naija News & Felasophy.

The “Good Naija Wife” Guide

From Housekeeping  NaijaWives Monthly, 13 May, 1955 2007.

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in comb your hair and be fresh-looking. Make sure you don’t smell like Iya Basirat after cooking all day. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
5. During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. If it is hot and there is no NEPA, fan him gently to cool him off . Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum blender as you are grinding pepper or beans for moinmoin. Encourage the children to be quiet.
7. Be happy to see him.
8. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
9. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
10. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
11. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work or while he was hanging out with the boys or chilling with his girlfriend.
12. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink criminally cold bottle of beer ready for him.
13. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
14. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
15. A good wife always knows her place.

I’m putting out my disclaimer before I get a beat down for this post (LOL!). I did NOT write it o! (The original post is HERE ). I don’t sanction, support or agree with any of the contents. I only “adapted” it for todays “Good Naija Woman” (GNW) wannabe and to support some observations I have made over the years.

As ridiculous as all this sounds, some of us (men and women alike) have been brainwashed into a perception of what/who a ”good” Naija woman is. What makes this unfortunate is that some Naija women actually make efforts to follow the “good Naija woman” script. Ask any dude to describe a good Naijawoman and I can bet it won’t be too far from the list of items above.

Even our own Linda responded to my Vice houseboy post with the following comment… “I cook, I clean, do laundry and drive myself. I pass housemaid. The worst part be say, anyday I decide to answer to any man now. I automatically become his maid.”

Like the false prophet (Obejay) said, the greatest lie is the one you tell your self. This behavior is clearly not sustainable and this is why tings dey scatter after two or three years.

Naijamans advice? This is 2008. Just be real. If he really wants you, he’ll accept you for who you are!

Naija Jams…

A few years back, shortly after I realized that the Naijaman in me was here to stay, I started getting into Naijajams. Songs like Olufunmi by StylPlus and African Queen by TuFace became instant hits and started getting the popular vote. A few friends sent me a couple of CD’s from Naija that you could “Ju Pa” to and I was hooked. I returned to Naija after being away for almost 10 years and came back 2 weeks later armed with enough danshikis and Naija CD’s to rock the summer. At last, I was officially Naijarized and the rest is history in the making…

Let’s call this category Gbedu!

The things we do…

In case you are wondering what the picture about is about, it’s a “safe” view of Naijaman sitting in a make up chair at the mall. Wetin I find go there? I beg o, I wasn’t trying on mascara just waiting “patiently” for my friend to decide what combination of length & volume was best for her eyelashes…

Another category for discussions has been born.

Let’s call it “omoge“.

Vice President Houseboy

Last night, I decided to get a head start on the weekends chores and clean the kitchen. I soon decided this whole swifter business wasn’t cutting it and I graduated to a bucket and a scrubbing brush. (After all, I be Naijaman!). As I was on my knees scrubbing the floor, I started to reflect on the contents of a leadership class I had taken earlier on in the day and while I was thinking about my strengths and the different roles I play in the organization it suddenly dawned on me… At that particular moment in time, I was nothing but a HOUSEBOY! 

At my age, if I was in Naija and someone from the village walked in and saw me washing the floor, they would think I had been cursed or something.  Na wetin America don cause be dis o!

Now, not to say that I can’t pay someone $100 to clean my house every 2 weeks. I actually started doing that last year and wasn’t that impressed with the quality of work or comfortable with the idea of having random strangers roaming around my house and decided to go back to doing it myself. 

This is the first in the series of what I am calling Naija Dreams. Can somebody PLEASE wake me up from this American dream?

Nigerian Gangster…

The Afrobeat remix of the American Gangster Album brought to you by DJ Mike Love.

Click HERE to download.

Tracklisting:

1. Intro – “Army Arrangement” from, the Best Of Fela Kuti (2000), “VIP” from, VIP (1979)
2. Pray – “Sorrow Tears And Blood” from, the Best Of Fela Kuti (2000)
3. American Dreaming – “Upside Down” from Album, Upside Down (1976)
4. Hello Brooklyn – “Mistake” from Live! (With Ginger Baker), (1971)
5. No Hook – “Ariya” from album, Roforofo Fight/The Fela Singles (1972) (2006)
6. Roc Boys – “Water No Get Enemy” from, Expensive Shit, (1975), “Mop / movement of the people” from  Live in Amsterdam (1984), “Stop The Violence” from, By Any Means Necessary-BDP (1988).
7. Sweet – “My Lady Frustration”  The’69, Los Angeles Sessions (1993)
8. I Know – “Confusion” from, Confusion (1975)
9. Party Life – “Viva Nigeria” from, The Los Angeles Sessions ‘69, (1993)
10. Ignorant Shit – “Fear Not For Man” from, Stalemate (1977)
11. Say Hello – “Coffin For Head Of State” from, the Best Of Fela Kuti (2000), “Mr. Grammarticalologylisatitiona Is The Boss”  Monkey Banana, (1976)
12. Success – “Swegbe And Pako” from, Open & Close (1971)
13. Falling – “Mattress” from, Noise For Vendor Mouth (1975)
14. Blue Magic – “Water No Get Enemy” from, Expensive Shit, (1975)
15. American Gangster – “Kalakuta Show” from, Kalakuta Show (1976), “Wayo” The’69, Los Angeles Sessions (1993)

Sasha: Naijas female MVP… Better Recognize!

I settled into work this morning and put on my headphones trying to catch up on the latest Naija jams. Who is this Sasha self? I remember her name from some collabos with trybesmen a few years ago and one other song. From the moment I hit play I knew I was in for something. The intro had me sit up straight in my chair! This madam isn’t playing o! Every now and then, I would forget myself and start bouncing around in my chair. (I can’t afford to be jammin’ like this at work with all this subprime mess going on!). 

Ti Da Mo (recognize) jumps at you with that “if you don’t know, better ask somebody” confidence. Guaranteed to keep you popping. A must have for my Naija party compilation CD; it has the makings of the classic party jam and I’m calling it! De Roof… De Roof! Ahaa Ahaaa…  Ohoo Ohooo! Where are my boys? Where’s my whistle?? (Damn, I miss Ibadan!).  

A tear rolled down my eye as I listened to Baba mi (My Father) , a Yoruba acoustic rap rendition. One listen and I quickly realized this wasn’t just a song. I immediately called my dad in Naija. “I just wanted to hear your voice, dad”.  

Asa, the new Naija musical sensation introduces yet another flavor as she reinforces Sasha’s flow on Let Me Go. Only One? It’s T-pain, it’s Eve… no it’s Sasha. E wa ba mi jo (Come dance with me) brings some well appreciated Jaara to round up the musical journey. 

This CD has something for everybody. I’m not quite the rap connoisseur but I know a good album when I hear one. Sasha is a true story teller, poet and lyricist. Her message is sincere, positive, thought provoking and memorable. To echo her words, this is feel good music with a lesson. She seduces you with her wordplay and locks you in with her message… She made me laugh, smile, think and even cry.  

Sasha, thanks for that complete musical experience, It was certainly worth the wait. 5 Akaras for this one o!

Asa – The Captivator

A first glance taunted a comparison with Tracy Chapman. However, once I got over the dreadlocks and the guitar and got into the groove, I quickly realized that there was something far deeper in the soul searching vibes, something far more cultural than the fact that she sings in Yoruba.

As I started to get comfortable with her flow, I made a second attempt to define Asa… Songs like  Soul (featuring silver saddih), Fire On the Mountain, No One Knows, Burn, Jailer and even Eyin Mummy threw me off completely. I found myself right back at square one, left with nothing but respect and admiration at the sheer depth and breadth of her musical expression.

In a kinda bluesy, Jazzy, finger snapping way, Ilu (Nation) challenges our leaders and asks them what they have done with our great country. She reminds us of a time when the Naira was stronger than the dollar, of a time when police checkpoints were unheard of. “Dollar je Naira lowo… Ko si wetin you carry”. – Fela would be proud!

I had to remind myself to breathe while listening to Eye Adaba (Birds in the sky). Her rendition in English of the same exact song was a fresh experience that was just as amazing as the original. (I wan craze!). Mama (mother)/So Beautiful, a slow dance in honor of her mother highlights the sacrifice, selflessness and pricelessness of motherhood. I think I now have enough songs for my “Sweet Mother” mixtape. MAJOR brownie points coming my way on mother’s day! Iba (praise) brings it back to earth by giving thanks & praise to Heaven for all the things we tend to take for granted.

I’m not sure if it’s the sincerity in Bibanke (When I cry), the high from soaring with the birds, the rain outside or the vodka inside but um… Asa… will you marry me?

Asa has seriously raised the bar and set the standard in the “Yoruba Acoustic Soul” category.

Could I have some ogi to accompany these 5 Akaras please!?

This CD is available HERE.

 http://www.naive.fr/sites/asa/

I am a Naijapolitan!

So i just finished talking to a recruiter who is so excited about all the Naijas he has placed over the past few months. Dude was trying to tell me how smart we are… Watch out peoples… we are taking over!

Who or what is a Naijapolitan? I jacked the word from Afropolitan: The Africa movement that’s spreading like wild fire.

Hello world!

This na real “Hello World”. Finally, Naijaman is on the loose. Watch out!