Miss Virginity… Only In Naija.

So I stumbled on this article a few days ago. Someone decided to have a “Miss Virginity” pageant in Lagos! To ensure that each of the contestants was really a virgin, Dr Ekemode, a Lagos based consultant gynaecologist examined every one of them. Only 43 of the 60 registrants were “certified” to be virgins.

Link to original article below:

http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/28624/154/

All photo credits to Vanguard Nigeria online edition.

Dozie – Redemption

Aaaaahh… Excuse me dance…
You just dey fine, dey kack
Ah ah!, Madam, which one now?
Ehn? Ah, no o! Make we just commot here, go one corner
You know say you fine pass. That is, eh…
No, noo.. I just wan yarn you small…
Make you and me dey make music, shey you get?
I beg, let us get down
You no be woman? You wan be lady?
Problem no dey, now…
Wetin be your name self? 

– Magdalena (Track #10)

After hearing Dozie engage Magda in broken English, I quickly realized that I had to brush up on my toasting skills and quickly ordered the CD. (I might be an Ibadan boy but I love me some Igbo babes!).

The album kicks off with “Uwa Ke” (dis life self!) which reminds us about the ups and downs of this thing we call love. “You know it’s just a game that we’ve got to play… ‘Cause it’s all just part of life”. This jam is so tight that for a long time, I never even made it to track 2, “Gabriels Lounge” which is song about losing those we love to the afterlife and the ensuing feelings.

Before the documentaries, before Kanye, before the movie, the Naija “Soldier” tells the sad story of what we now know as Blood/Conflict Diamonds. “I got the knife. Long Sleeve or short sleeve? I guarantee you won’t have no hands to fight us back”.

 

This is a Public Service Announcement to all the omoges out there:

If “Sensuality” starts playing and na only me and you dey, you better RUN if you are not ready to be a superstar. That song is not for small children! ‘Nuff Said!

 

In “Onwu Obi”, (death of the heart) he sings about how yesterdays love becomes today’s pain in a way that almost makes you crave the heartache. “Redemption”, the title track, is one that you need to listen to whenever you get tired of the struggles of love and live… “We’ve gotta keep on keeping on!”

 

From his voice to the musical arrangement to the unobtrusive infusion with broken English, Igbo and various Nigerian musical instruments, I am totally incapable of even starting to describe Dozie’s road to Redemption. It is a musical adventure with unexpected twist and turns that just continue to exceed any expectation you could possibly have. You’re just going to have to experience this one yourself!

 

“Redemption” has held down slot #1 in my Car CD changer since the day I bought it back in ’06. This is a CD that you have to listen to in three dimensions: One for the music, one for the lyrics and one for “the two both of them” together (if you dare!).

 

5 Shekeres seems insufficient for this one but that’s as bad as it gets!

 

www.dozie.com

www.cdbaby.com/cd/dozie2

 

The “Good Naija Wife” Guide

From Housekeeping  NaijaWives Monthly, 13 May, 1955 2007.

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in comb your hair and be fresh-looking. Make sure you don’t smell like Iya Basirat after cooking all day. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
5. During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. If it is hot and there is no NEPA, fan him gently to cool him off . Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum blender as you are grinding pepper or beans for moinmoin. Encourage the children to be quiet.
7. Be happy to see him.
8. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
9. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
10. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
11. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work or while he was hanging out with the boys or chilling with his girlfriend.
12. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink criminally cold bottle of beer ready for him.
13. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
14. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
15. A good wife always knows her place.

I’m putting out my disclaimer before I get a beat down for this post (LOL!). I did NOT write it o! (The original post is HERE ). I don’t sanction, support or agree with any of the contents. I only “adapted” it for todays “Good Naija Woman” (GNW) wannabe and to support some observations I have made over the years.

As ridiculous as all this sounds, some of us (men and women alike) have been brainwashed into a perception of what/who a “good” Naija woman is. What makes this unfortunate is that some Naija women actually make efforts to follow the “good Naija woman” script. Ask any dude to describe a good Naijawoman and I can bet it won’t be too far from the list of items above.

Even our own Linda responded to my Vice houseboy post with the following comment… “I cook, I clean, do laundry and drive myself. I pass housemaid. The worst part be say, anyday I decide to answer to any man now. I automatically become his maid.”

Like the false prophet (Obejay) said, the greatest lie is the one you tell your self. This behavior is clearly not sustainable and this is why tings dey scatter after two or three years.

Naijamans advice? This is 2008. Just be real. If he really wants you, he’ll accept you for who you are!

Protected: I don tire for Naija babes! (Part 1)

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The things we do…

In case you are wondering what the picture about is about, it’s a “safe” view of Naijaman sitting in a make up chair at the mall. Wetin I find go there? I beg o, I wasn’t trying on mascara just waiting “patiently” for my friend to decide what combination of length & volume was best for her eyelashes…

Another category for discussions has been born.

Let’s call it “omoge“.